Doing Farts, breaking hearts.
BLOG 4: 14/03/2024
I would like to preface this blog by saying that there isn’t much structure to this entry, and it is a prime example of Char talking s**t, enjoy x
As a straight woman I have the incredible opportunity to date straight boys, yep, lucky me. I love boys, they can be cool and funny, but they can also be smelly and mean.
Today I will be discussing four topics from my perspective as a woman in heterosexual relationships:
Male validation
Accepting the love, we think we deserve
Respecting the s**t out of ourselves
How to be single (and how to LOVE it)
Ah yes, good old male validation. See, it’s just annoying, because we don’t NEED a man. We should view them as an addition to our already great life, instead of a necessary part of becoming whole.
When we are unhappy, it’s very easy to crave male validation in an attempt to feel better, often accepting very sh***y treatment because of it. We substitute self-love and self-care for male attention because it feels good (at the time) and is just easier. Any attention is better than being alone… obviously this isn’t true, it’s a pathetic excuse we use when we aren’t happy in ourselves. Being alone and being lonely are two entirely different things, we sometimes confuse the two and pity ourselves for time spent alone.
I have been guilty of this in the past; when I’m not happy in the person I am, I crave male validation and often end up with boys who offer less than the VERY bare minimum. Basically, I find sh***y boys who aren’t prepared to emotionally support me, only offering a false love in the form of male attention. This is a shared experience, right? We accept this illusion of meaningful connection. All they are doing is existing and somehow, they magically fill the absence of love and attention we aren’t giving ourselves.
I remember in the very early days of my friendship with, let’s call her, Tina, we were brainstorming ‘our ideal man’. Tina and I made separate lists and then shared them with each other. The top three things on my list were:
Is proud of me/ isn’t embarrassed by me.
Makes me feel capable of achieving my goals/ is supportive of me.
Makes me feel happy.
Sad, right? I remember looking at Tina and she was tearing up; it was very clear that my standards were 6ft below the earth’s surface. She later explained that my list was the ABSOLUTE bare minimum – I had no idea.
I don’t want to make this a ‘poor Char, feel sorry for me’ blog. I just wanted to demonstrate how when we aren’t proud person we are, we accept the love we think we deserve (thank you POBAW for that quote, iykyk). This is just unacceptable, and it stops now.
All of my readers are beautiful, intelligent, interesting and deserving people. YOU ARE A CATCH AND ANY PERSON SHOULD FEEL HONOURED TO BE IN YOUR LIFE. You are deserving of the very bare minimum and much more. It’s important to remind yourself of this, especially when you find yourself lowering your standards for that one guy (everyone has one). No excuses girlies, have some self-respect and stop accepting sh***y treatment, period.
Being single, it’s just, the best. I’m sure being in a totally loving and accepting relationship is great too BUT being single with emotionally fulfilling friendships is amazing. When I’m truly happy with trusting, supportive and kind friends, I feel this constant excitement about life. It’s these healthy interactions with other humans that causes the brain to release all those good chemicals – oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin and endorphins.
So how do you get to this serene happiness while being single? Well, well, well… I don’t want to sound like a crazy voodoo lady, but it really is about protecting your energy. In the words of Dakota Johnson’s character in How to be Single, ‘The thing about being single is, you should cherish it. Because, in a week, or a lifetime, of being alone, you may only get one moment.’ Relationships begin when we least expect them, it’s important to embrace our time spent alone and take this time to get to know ourselves and what we need in future relationships.
I recommend all of you to write your own list. Over time I’ve made all my close friends and my brothers write their standards down on a piece of paper to hold themselves accountable. Start standing up for yourself and make it clear to your potential suitors that you are not someone they can walk over.
Fall in love with your life (on your own) and welcome deserving people in at your own discretion. This means protecting yourself, don’t be afraid to give your heart away but be careful when you do. Play with men’s feelings… just kidding, that’s pretty mean… but also a direct attack on the patriarchy… so yeah, actually, play with men’s feelings, they’ll get over it x. Be more like a fart, be silly, loud and free and a little bit unpredictable.
Also, if you’re looking for something to spice up your life, date! Dating is about gaining experience, not necessarily finding your future partner. I feel like we often make dating seem way more serious than it is. Ask a boy out, what’s the worse that can happen? I’ll tell you, the worst thing that can happen is he’ll say no, which is a great response because then you wouldn’t have wasted time imagining a life together while waiting for him to text you first. Boys like getting asked out too, and if the date goes well, maybe you’ve met your future husband, if it goes badly, you have a funny story to tell.
Be gone you sexy sausages, go out into the real world and experience! Do farts and break hearts, or do farts while breaking hearts, I don’t care. I just want my precious readers to create a life that they truly love, the power is in your hands.
May you all have lol (lots of love) xoxox