i hope all is well where you are, i miss you!
BLOG 8: 03/07/2024
My long distance bestie is moving into our share house at the end of this month! This blog post is dedicated to long distance besties and the importance of remaining in contact with the people you care about (cringe!).
Having moved from my hometown to Melbourne, I consider myself an expert at maintaining and strengthening friendships that I care about. That being said, it is not easy, and every relationship is different.
I hadn’t given this topic much thought until I moved overseas at the end of last year. In the year and a half prior to this overseas move, I had made a totally new group of Melbourne friends. Going overseas alone to work full-time meant I was creating a life that was totally different to the university life I left behind. My everyday life was a very different life to my friends’, and I was anxious about remaining close with them. As we continue to move forward in our lives, and take on new adventures, jobs and lifestyles, these anxieties will resurface.
Being physically removed from my life in Australia, gave me a clearer vision of the people I want and need in my life. I had five friends who I texted regularly and called once a fortnight. They supported me through the tough times and I felt that without their support, my time alone would have been lonely. Long distance besties make you understand that alone time shouldn’t be lonely (think about that). By maintaining relationships that positively impact your life, you develop a sense of security that you are never really alone. It’s a really great feeling to know that you always have someone to call if you are struggling. However, you cannot expect these friendships to remain strong and reliable without putting in the effort. Reciprocity is imperative for maintaining relationships. Reciprocity can be difficult, and it is not possible to offer intense emotional support to every friend in your life, sometimes we are physically and mentally unable to. It is not possible to keep in close contact with every single person you consider a friend, there are simply not enough hours in one day. To maintain my friendships, I find it best to separate all my relationships into categories. These might be your ‘going out’ friends, your ‘studying’ friends, your ‘once a month coffee catch-up’ friends, your ‘let’s start a business together’ friends. Then you have your ‘ride or dies’. Your ‘ride or dies’ are the people who you can always rely on and vice versa. I think I have 5 ‘ride or dies’; I have done long distance with all of them at some point. Funnily, I am currently doing long distance with three of them.
It's a proven fact that these ‘ride or dies’ will allow you to live a longer life, full of lots of love, productivity and good health. ‘The Blue Zone Study’ has identified the places around the world where people live the most productive and vibrant lives past the age of 100. These areas are named Blue Zones. Common to all Blue Zones is family, community and friendship. In Okinawa, Japan, the community is built upon strong social networks, called ‘Moais’. A Moai is a lifelong circle of friends who support one another through all life’s ups and downs well into older age. These people have lower rates and incidents of heart disease, dementia, and cancer, with the women of this community being the longest living on the planet. What’s my point? Well, this study finds that thanks to the formation of Moais, people in Okinawa travel through life with between five and six good friends. In western societies, this number is between one and a half and three good friends. ‘It is the stress-shedding power and influence of friendships over our day-to-day lives that adds years to life and life to years’, explains Dan Beuttner. Five to six good friends, it’s what we NEED as humans to live a long and happy life. Staying in close contact and maintaining emotionally reciprocal relationships with these people is incredibly important.
Yes, it’s important, but staying in contact with people can be hard. I mean, we all have busy lives, with jobs, study, exercise, family, life admin, and sometimes it feels like we just don’t have time to call or text people who aren’t present in our physical lives. Find time. Of my friends I’m currently doing long distance with, Abby and I call for two hours every few days, Milly and I are in a constant text chain and Willow sends me random memes and we call for three hours once a month (these are fake names, you know who you are). This works for us, and this level of contact means that when we see each other in person, it feels like we can pick up where we left off.
So, figure out what works for you and your friends. Good friends and a reliable support system makes life feel warmer and more exciting. The point of life is to connect with people. Connection is all that matters. It’s how we get jobs, how we start families and it’s how we maintain and strengthen relationships. I cannot emphasise this enough, without friendship, a human being is lost. Look after your friends and make time for relationships that matter. This blog got randomly deep, I was planning on writing a ‘how to’ guide for long distance friends, but here we are, whoops!
Talk soon!
p.s. Happy 21st Birthday Cece!